Sorry Blogger

I know I promised blogging but there are just not enough hours in every day it seems right now!! Honestly I have been blogging on another blog but it is a private blog for at least a while. If you would like an invitation just send me an email and I will pass it on your way!! Maybe soon I will pick this up again regularly!! Right now I am just one busy momma!! :)

Still Alive!!

Yes we are all still here and kicking right along. It is my goal to start blogging again in my spare time. I can't believe it has almost been 2 years since Robbie finally made it home. In many ways it has flown by, in others not so fast. He is still doing amazing, better than we ever dreamed. He loved school this year and caught up to the rest of his classmates around Christmas. He is a very intelligent young man. Everyone is growing like weeds and life is always fast paced but we love it and are blesssed still beyond words.

I am probably going to move to our other blog Lessons Learned through Love. There is a link on the right of this page. Would love to hear from you all and catch up so please leave me a message and any new contact info. Much love and prayers!!!

So much catching up to do!!!!

A couple of my dear friends have encouraged me to catch this blog up to date. I have to admit it has been harder than I thought to get back into the blogging mind set after the two year battle to get Robbie home. Many reasons are just logistical ones with the business of our family but most have been unknown to me until the past week. I have finally realized that I have struggled with catching up because we have never been very public with our family. We share many things with those closest to us but never before has it been like the past few years while attempting to complete Robbie and Gabriela's adoptions. I wouldn't trade the new life long friends that we have made through blogging and support forums. The support, help, and mutual respect that has developed is overwhelming. Once in a lifetime relationships that our family will treasure forever and even in eternity~~~

But for the reasons above I haven't found the energy to truly catch up. Privacy is the most important thing to my family but especially my husband. While he is just as thankful for the many people that have come into our lives through this process, he absolutely hates the Internet and anything that takes time away from individual face to face relationships and time. He is so funny.....his newest thing(joke) is that the Antichrist will make an appearance on Facebook/Myspace and then everyone will spread the news through Twitter and texting to the rest of the world!! We all laugh at him and the kids do that funny sounding "DAD????" with heavy sighs.

The truth is I am beginning to see the point he has been trying to make for so long. I have never disagreed with his assessment of this technology. It isn't actually the technology that is the problem.....it is us humans using the technology. He has said for probably 12 years now that the decline of relationships would come from the constant use of all of these things. What I am seeing in my own family is not only the lack of respect for others in these things but the ability to say things that wouldn't have been said face to face. We have started limiting our entire families time on all of these things as well as monitoring the activity on them. The result has been wonderful. Not only have we had more time together as a family and individually but the respect level for each other and others around us has risen tremendously. We have been doing this for a few months and I can say for our crew, especially the adults and teenagers, it has made us realize how much it was affecting our entire family and truly taking away the things that were most important to us.

The other issue is.... oh wait I already said it....Privacy!! Lots has transpired since coming home with our newest, most precious little guy. Most of it amazing and good. Those things I will certainly post in weeks to come. He is doing so well. Language came quickly with all the other kids around. He is fitting in remarkably but still maintaining his individuality which is important in a family our size. He loves outdoors, anything boys love.......dirt, bikes, swimming, chasing his little sister around with things that terrify her, annoying his older siblings like little ones do, etc.....The thing we were concerned about him being too neat with his stuff----GONE, out the window, totally disappeared. Now we have to search for all of his things. LOL!!! It really is good to see him be a little boy and not be so concerned(to an extreme) with adult issues.

The biggest issues are ones I am not sure I am ready to share. Don't know if I ever will for his sake. There are a lot of them. Nothing life changing or earth shaking in most people's eyes but common for older adopted children. We are working on lots of them but they take every moment, every thought, every emotion from both Stokes and I. In quiet times it is intense to think of all he has endured and the affects that are showing in his personality, life, and now in our family. In frustrating times it is easy to forget that he is a child and we have to maintain as much understanding as possible.....even when there really is no way for any of us to truly understand what he has experienced.

There are days I have the passing thought, in my mind and flesh, that he needs to get it together and understand this isn't how things are done here!!! Then I stop and remember that I am the adult, he is the child and I am the one who needs to get it together and stop setting those completely unreachable expectations for him.

It is totally ignorant of me or anyone else to think that he(or any other child in his situation) should have it together or even know how to get it together for that matter. He is the child who has been abandoned and lost 3 families that he trusted and loved.(2 of which totally would take him back in a flat minute:) We are the ones who have the "so-called" good life but somehow in our inability to stay focused on the one who matters the most we start looking at our selfish thoughts and needs, setting expectations for a child who has never had stability and unconditional love to use as a standard. This isn't a concept he can understand in a few months or even years for that matter. It isn't a concept he has ever been taught or experienced, how can he get it together?????

We have found wonderful counselors who are willing to teach us all how to help him through these things but the most important thing I can say we have learned or would tell anyone else who has or is considering older child adoption is this~~~~~there are boundaries that have to be set for house rules, school, and general manners, etc..... but there is no way to set emotional expectations on any child who has experienced abandonment until you have established a long, trusting, intimate relationship with that child.

There is also no way to set demands expecting them to accept or show affection in the way we see fit!! There is no time table for these children. Each of them reach these steps to grow in their own time. Also there are many things that can set them back. Things I never dreamed of.....the obvious are thoughts, pictures, conversations, places but we have found that smells, taste, colors, seeing certain foods, hearing certain words are more likely to set off memories than anything for Robbie right now. These are his triggers to places and memories that he just can't wrap himself around yet.

It is exhausting to be completely honest because we never know what will bring him to this place and the reaction that we have all come to know. Sadly, the hardest one for me is that I can be a trigger for him. I am a trigger that does not have much of an explanation behind it other than I am "MOM". For him sometimes it is just too painful of a reminder. It isn't a particular time or situation and usually it is never the same. For me, it is a heart break that I can't put into words at all. I am not sure for anyone who hasn't walked this path with an older adopted child it can be understood. It doesn't seem to be anything specific, just being MOM. I am so thankful though that when this seems to scare him the most he has a loving, warm, compassionate father to help him walk through the painful emotions, the heartbreak. Stokes always, always prays with him and always in time he and I grow a little closer, a little stronger. We have a very long road ahead, one that I think could take years to walk because of his pain.

The tears I shed over him are still just as many, if not more, then before he came home but for different reasons. My passion for orphans........I have to laugh......I don't know if there is a stronger word to use than passion. I only thought I had passion for this calling after our first two adoptions. God has given me something I can't even explain for children like Robbie. Something I could have never understood before I had physically lived the past 10 months with him. There is just something about walking it 24/7 that changes your view, ideas, opinions.....it changes your EVERYTHING!! You hear and see things that no one could have explained or made you understand before you lived it firsthand. I tried, believe me. I constantly talked and listened and watched and became a part of life with families that adopted older children for over 5 years. I wanted to understand all of this, I wanted to be prepared before we brought an older child home. But sometimes there is just nothing anyone can say or share with you that make you understand things the way that living it does. It didn't happen with my children that came home as infants because they hadn't experienced life any other way. We were all they knew, well all they remember.

Now this older child(who has a past, memories, feelings) talks and tries to explain things he doesn't always have words for and can't understand. Sometimes he doesn't or won't talk but he looks into your eyes trying to trust you but just can't.......his eyes cry out with looks of pain and yet hope. Inside it seems he is yelling "PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND, PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THIS HURT." He tries to hold back the tears that he so desperately needs to cry but won't because he has to protect himself and be strong. He completely needs to fit in yet he wants to stand out so that he can make sure that you will never be disappointed and maybe love him less or worse leave him because he didn't measure up to your standards. He constantly prepares himself for the worst, for you to not accept or love him, for the disappointment. He would rather pull away and be wrong than allow himself to be vulnerable and possibly be hurt. Then he waits for your response to his choice/his behavior......he waits to see if you will tell him you will never stop loving him and you will wait for him to be ready to love back or if you will walk away like everyone else in his life so far. He is waiting, looking for true unconditional love not a love that says I will love you and accept you if you do this, or act like this, or make me feel like this!! He is looking for you to love him just as he is but yet he doesn't know if that is really possible. So much for him hinges on our responses to every situation.

What God has given us is a true, real life look inside an orphans heart by walking with him everyday. When you watch them fall completely apart for what seems like no reason at all, then you get the honor of accepting, loving them and helping them walk through steps of healing, understanding, and they begin to be able to see a light and express something to you they never understood before. That is healing for everyone. It is never about us but for some reason we get the blessing of changing and growing with them through it all. Some days we only take baby steps, others we step backwards and on the great ones we get to LEAP!! Sometimes it maddening(ok lots of times) and exhausting emotionally but at the end of the day we get to kiss him goodnight, tell him we will love him forever and that we will see him in the morning!! And then we get to get up the next morning to his sweet face.....each day hopefully another reminder that we will never leave him.

So now that my short, promise to catch up post has grown tremendously!! I hope that you will keep us in your prayers as we walk through the next amazing stage of this life God has blessed us so deeply with. I do have many pictures, stories, and funny things to catch up on. We have had two more birthdays, graduation, dance recital, swimming lessons, lots of softball, 1 car accident, 2 septic tank explosions, a leak that flooded our downstairs, remodeling, and well you get the idea!!!

So sorry for the long absence but life happens around our house and most of the time it actually just takes over completely. I can't promise weekly updates but I can promise I will try harder to stay blogging. I certainly don't always handle things the best way, never claimed to be anywhere near perfect(very far from it) but I am a very happy, blessed, and thankfully a forgiven woman!! Much love to you all.

Dawn and Julie....I really do not know what I would do without the two of you. From the bottom of my heart, I love you and am truly blessed by you daily. Thank you for everything.

To the rest of the gals who have adopted older children(you know who you are) and have been willing to share your wisdom, love, and allow us to become a part of your family for the past 5 years, we owe you more than we can ever repay. Thank you for truly opening the deepest part of your hearts and also your struggles. Love and Blessings to each of you.

We are here!!

Just a quick post to say that YES......we are here, we are all okay, but it is softball season in our home and that means we are NEVER HOME!!!!!!! It will continue to be this way until around the first of August. Not quite as bad when school is out because we will have the mornings to be home!!

I promise to catch up in a few weeks. We have more birthday pictures, Easter pictures, and many other interesting events to share.

Love to everyone and praising God for the beautiful weather!!

EASTER

I pray that each of you are filled with the blessings of our Lord during this precious time as we celebrate the gift of His life. Easter has always been my favorite "holiday". I love this time to concentrate on and Praise Him for the most important gift we can ever receive, the sacrifice, the love, the passion He has for each of us. Blessings and prayers that you experience His love and grace this Easter season.(Remember to pause the radio on the lower right before watching the video)

WHEW!!!!

I have so much to post to catch up from the past three or four weeks. We had a wonderful spring break as well as birthday parties, welcome home parties, softball, etc. We have been on the go as we always are in the spring time. So the following post are all to catch up a little. Not much to say just lots of pictures. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring Break

We stayed home for spring break but had a wonderful week. We went everyday......to the movies, to eat, bowling, to Coolidge Park. It was a great week. The kids loved bowling and the movies but I think the best time was at Coolidge Park. It is downtown Chattanooga on the river. Huge open park with lots of room to play. We went with several families from school and the kids played kickball, soccer, and football. It was a perfect day with lots of sunshine and a great breeze. Very relaxing and loads of fun.

Here are a few pics from bowling and the park.

Coolidge Park

Various Pics from March!!

Amanda and Kara at SOCON basketball tournament.

She is in HEAVEN on the field.

Cutie Pie.

What a grin!

My sweet angel.

This is why I can't blog much about Ben.....he hates me taking pictures.

Jammin with Za.

Jonathan has been working nonstop so I don't have many current pics of him :-(

Robbie's Birthday(Maybe????)

We celebrated Robbie's birthday and had a wonderful time. At first we thought we were going to have a HUGE Guatemalan birthday with all the food being made by our precious friend Pasquel and his family but Robbie decided he wanted Pizza. Why am I not surprised????

Then he decided he didn't want to have a party. After letting him think about it for a few weeks he decided he wanted to go to the park with some friends so I decided to book the party room our wonderful little town has beside the beautiful park.(Just in case we had bad weather!!)

So we had pizza, chips, veggies/dip, chicken salad, pimento cheese and crackers. Add in 8 cakes, a pinata, a ring toss game and pin the tail on the donkey and we had a fantastic birthday party!! Robbie had a blast with all of his precious friends.

We had decided several weeks ago to celebrate with cakes for each birthday we missed. It was so much fun planning and cooking them. He picked out all the flavors and colors. We also ordered a sports themed cake to match his birthday party.

The interesting thing is a few days before his party all of his original papers came from INS. We were thrilled to get all of these because they give us a deeper look into his life in Guatemala as well as a connection to his birth family.

What we didn't expect was to find major confusion surrounding his birth date!!! To long of a story to tell but lets just say that we aren't sure how old he is right now. It seems the birth date we have had all along is one that was just grabbed out of thin air by a stranger who registered his birth for the adoption(WHY DOES THIS NOT SURPRISE ME??) and the one stated by his family isn't anywhere near the one we thought was his birthday. Evidently the Guatemalan officials as well as the US Embassy accepted this date. His birth family gave a date in the original two documents that make him much younger than we thought. We are having our contacts in Guatemala contact his birth family to make sure we at least know the correct year for many obvious reasons like school and later for drivers license etc.

The new date makes much more sense as to what we are seeing with his actions/maturity. It also makes sense with the memories and stories he has shared with us. This date also will make school and what grade to start in much easier for him. We can change his birth date easily with a judge here in the US at his readoption so that is really not a concern. Our biggest concern is knowing how old he really is in order to make solid decisions for his future.

Anyway, always an interesting story with his adoption....we went ahead and celebrated as planned. We just decided to make it a celebration of all the birthdays we missed with him. We talked with him and he understands as much as possible. So celebrate we did as we know we have missed at least 6 birthdays with him. He loved all the cakes with the numbers and it seems to have made him happy that we were making up for all those birthdays!

Making party bags for his friends.

Making up for missed birthdays!!

Blowing out lots of candles, we didn't even count them!!

What a handsome boy!!

We are so blessed with many precious angels from Guatemala.

Beautiful McKenna

Sweet Jose

Adorable Gracie

Precious Cintia

Emma and Angelina(my Russian princess)